


At the end of the road

by Chrissie_Shirley



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 19:58:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18611461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrissie_Shirley/pseuds/Chrissie_Shirley
Summary: An unusual visit...





	At the end of the road

1969

On a cold but starry evening in London Linda is absent, off to business, and Paul is once again staring at the fireplace, sipping his whiskey alone with Martha at his feet . He is angry. He is angry at the loneliness that has come over him, even though his wonderful wife will be back in a few days. He is angry at the speed with which the Beatles are falling apart. He is angry at John…

There’s a knock on the door, and Martha gets up excited and starts barking while Paul mutters words of comfort to her reaching for the door. When he opens it, John is standing there casually with a pleasant and open look , which Paul sees more and more rarely these days.

“John?”

“Good evening, Macca!”, he says with a small smile.

“What are you doing here?”, Paul asks with a frown.

“I wanted to see you.”

“You see me every day.”

“I wanted to see you for real. And a bird told me Linda was out of town.”

“Oh… you wanted me to be alone? And Yoko can be everywhere, all the time? But Linda cannot.”

“Oh, don’t start again. I’m not here for this.”

“Then why are you here?”,Paul is getting annoyed.

“Not to fight with you, that’s for sure.”, John finally raises his voice too. That seems to have an effect on Paul for he sighs, steps back and lets John in.

“Not that you’re here for the first time”, he waves dramatically at the armchair by the fire,”…but ,please, take a seat. Would you like a drink?”

Five minutes later they are sitting next to each other drinking Paul’s whiskey and smoking John’s cigarettes. They don’t say anything for a few minutes until Paul starts:

“What-“

“Shh..”, John silences him. They stay like that a while longer. Paul even closes his eyes for some seconds. When he opens them and turns to the side he sees John facing him, looking straight at him.

”That’s what I wanted. A few minutes in silence with you. Who knows when we’ll get to be like this again. I want to memorize it. The cosy sound of the fire, the burning taste of the whiskey, the smell of the smoke…and the sight of you.”, he says,” But not particularly that face- so tensed and those eyes -on the verge of tears.” ,he doesn’t tear his eyes off Paul even for a second.

“You made them so.”, he is looking at John now too.” I don’t like your sour and angry expression either. I don’t like that look in your eyes which says that I don’t mean anything to you anymore. I don’t like it, but I deal with it on a daily basis, don’t I?”

“You mean to me now just as much as you have always meant.”, John is serious.

“That’s scary.”

“You know what I mean.”

Paul smiles a bit sadly and closes his eyes again, trying to relax. But John doesn’t stop looking at him.

“I was ready to give you everything, John. “

“And I wanted only you.”

“But you distanced yourself from me. You chose to be with her.”, Paul says, now having opened his eyes again.

“She is proud of me, she wants me to be everywhere with her, she is completely alright with kissing and hugging in public…”

“And you think I didn’t want this? You think I haven’t been on the verge of telling everybody I knew and the whole world how much in love I am with you? I was so proud of you, I felt so lucky that someone so wonderful like you has chosen to love me… and has let me love him back.”, Paul’s eyes are filled with tears by now and his voice is beginning to break. John is just staring with a pained expression on his face.”I wanted to be with you, John, but most of all I wanted you to be safe. I love you so much. I…I can’t stand the thought of you being hurt, or of us losing everything we’ve worked so hard for, but then it turned out I was losing you and…”, he is crying so hard he can’t finish and John is on his feet, then he sits on the arm of Paul’s chair and hugs him tight. And when Paul lifts his head John’s looking at him with such love and desperation that he starts crying all over again. But then John starts brushing his tears off his cheeks and leans down to kiss every inch of his face and his lips and when he gets to his ear he whispers:

“If it depended on me, we would grow old together”, he was crying too,” we would tell everybody and we would live together and I wouldn’t leave your side for a day.” Paul was just nodding helplessly.

“It will hurt more if we keep this on. Let’s make this a proper goodbye.”, Paul suddenly becomes very business-like and tries to brush the remaining tears. John gives one last gentle caress to his friend’s hair, like a parent to a child, and stands up, ready to leave.

At the door John turns to Paul before leaving.

“I love you.” And the door is closed and John is gone. Paul props his back on the door and slips to the floor.

“Yeah…me too.”


End file.
